Simon, like Proust, is often seen as a difficult writer. His sentences are complex, run-on accumulations of words and tenses, modulated by numerous markers of subjectivity – like, as if, I think, I’d say, perhaps, etc. It’s a sentence that works hard to rid itself of conventional patterns of speech, or more accurately, of usual patterns of writing; things are presented in their immediacy, grammar is simplified, accumulation, association and digression abound.

This attempt at a more instinctive manner of communication is, of course, hard to read. We are used to texts being neatly put together, to rational explanation, to synthesis following analysis (or vice-versa, depending on culture). Used to, in short, a modicum of linearity. It is a well known human prejudice that we over-explain, draw conclusions where there is nothing but correlations, and guess correlations at the drop of a hat. Hence astrology, reading in entrails and people thinking they can predict the stock market based on some Fibonacci, pi or moon cycle-based formula.

But I digress.

Simon has a somewhat paradoxical project with La Route des Flandres (itself only a part of a biographical-related series of books). On the one hand, he is recreating a past experience (the trauma of World War II) in a more manageable form; on the other, he is trying to preserve the immediacy of it. To do this, he presents memories not in chronological order, but by way of associations. Here I must make a few side notes:

  1. Cheating #1: Simon mentioned around that time the idea that memories present themselves to use not chronologically, but depending on their importance. That would imply sometimes, it seems to me, that you would jump from one thing to another without so much as the tenuous help of objective association. The sheer force of the affect should be justification enough. Simon never does that, though – there’s always some element linking one memory to the next. That’s a very Proustian way to go about things – a clump of related things, a huge nodes of sensations emerging in an otherwise pretty disjointed perception. Simon does indeed admire Proust and refer to him quite a bit.
  2. Cheating #2: the book was in fact carefully reconstructed after a period of unstructured writing: Simon wrote a number of fragments which he then color-coded depending on the characters present in each. He organized the fragments to alternate colors – and that’s how the book was born.

This brings to mind the way I will write a dissertation given a limited amount of time: desperately scramble any idea that comes to mind on a piece of paper, then isolate a few themes, color code all rudimentary ideas, and shove them in each theme. Of course I’m doing the opposite of Simon (trying to bring together similar colors instead of trying to weave them through the course of the text); I’m amused to think that my draft paper might look more like his end product that my final dissertation.

Anyway – cheating or not, what Simon does is in fact remarkably successful. There’s a sort of indulgence, a sort of hypnosis that wants to lull you while you read the book, but every time you try to stop and think – the strands of meaning come undone, and you’re left feeling uncertain of where you are, what happened, and what Big Lessons you should take away. That last sentence would certainly make Simon very happy, but of course I’ll have to struggle with this in the context of academic learning. My plan of attack therefore is to start by focusing on the obsessions, the recurring motives of the book: horses, the mud, sexual desire, friends, suicide, etc. These are not really themes, more ornaments (at least at this stage, and in my mind), but we’ll see where they’ll take me.

Has it been two months? It has been. A long silence, and yet I kept thinking about this place. I have to admit that this thinking was a source of stress more than a source of pleasure: I have been reading quite a lot in the past 62 days, and I kept thinking I should come back here and report. And I kept not finding the time. And it felt like an obligation I was not fulfilling.

What was I doing instead?

Reading. A few fiction books, some literary criticism, a lot of class material. I finally gained access to the website for my distance learning class on November 27th, and I then discovered that a lot of mid-year reports were due for mid-January, so there was that to get ready for. I learned (or relearned, for I had studied it in high school… Fifteen years ago) an insane amount of Latin: only level 2 Latin was open, so I had to cram levels 1 and 2 into my head in 6 weeks (you are supposed to take one level a semester, so that was… a lot). I also started translating for kiva.org (that one is more an excuse, as I really haven’t done all that much yet) and working at my local university, which needed an adjunct to teach French 101. With all this going on, my husband and I still found a week to travel to France over Christmas, another week to get over the germs we collected there from my niece and nephews. And we bought a house for my in-laws, who need one.

It’s been busy, and not a little stressful… I love it though. I love the university environment though I haven’t had much chance to properly explore. I love my classes. I love dreaming about next year’s master’s, because I already know that I want to enroll for one (and I’m even beginning to ponder on subjects). I love struggling with Proust, and Simon, and Barthes, and Rilke, and all these crazy-difficult-twisted-unusual writers in my program. I love the moment when you finally crack the code, and even though I started the year highly disappointed that I skipped the 19th century and was sent straight into the 20th, I am finding strange rewards in it.

But I need to release some pressure, and I want to come back to writing here every now and then. It might get more bloggy, more rambling, more… I don’t know. Personal. Stilted. Notebooky. Whatever comes! Everything goes! An online journal where I sometimes play the wannabe lit major, I guess, even though I’m not sure what the point of an online journal is. Even though nobody wants to read the excruciating thoughts of a rookie student muddling through a program for which she’s wholly unprepared.

In short, I have no idea what I’ll be doing. Even this note… Stream-of-consciousness, and except for a little check-spell, I don’t think I’m going to edit it. I’m just not going to think too hard about this space for now. Just going to go on instinct for a while.

Ok, let’s try. Multiple Reading Personalities, take 2?

I’m drowning in notes like these. Half a notebook of them.

notebook_Proust
Pages upon pages, summaries, thoughts, feelings, digressions. I feel like I’m beginning to get it, to understand how it works, but I’m not sure “I’m feeling it”. The magic of Combray — the first part of the first book in the In Search of Lost Time series — is long gone.

I’ve abandoned my excruciatingly slow reading pace for the end of Les jeunes filles (Within a Budding Grove), just so I could enjoy the text more, and as the narrative itself was picking up I had a really good time with it. I feel like I intellectually understand most of what the text is telling me, be it the story or the vision of Art, the importance of writing by one’s own vision, the filtering of reality which is not the weakness but the mark of a true artist; and yet I am still ill at ease.

(My apologies for the discombobulated post; it reflects my state of mind).

La Recherche is written by a narrator (which I’ll call Marcel, though that might be up for debate) largely inspired to Proust by himself — convoluted construction intentional. Proust was however adamant that the narrator was not him, and he indeed constructed Marcel’s life with noticeable divergences from his (and attributed other aspects of him to other characters). What is more, the narrator is telling his life through the prism of memories — something one could forget in the immediacy of the narration, but which obviously (the title says it well) is at the core of the novel. Memories and imaginations are so closely related as to be indistinguishable in Proust’s world… That is yet another caveat against taking the tale at face value.

Against this foggy background, Proust and Marcel both strongly assert that their only goal is to fish for these “deep truths” which reveal reality in the light of the creator’s idiosyncratic vision (careful, I’m reaching into my 50-cent words jar today!)

My problem is, I’m not sure I trust either of them.

For an “anti-intellectual” writer, one who wants to talk from the immediacy of sensations, Proust is incredibly wordy, and so theoretical that a lot of the material for his novel originates in earlier essays (gathered for the most part in the Against Sainte-Beuve collection I read along the novel). That’s the least of my worries: Proust’s interest with homosexuality and Jewish identity, for instance, are unquestionably genuine, but the incoherent ways he talks about them make me wonder whether he is honestly reflecting his inner conflicts or more simply lacks self-awareness in these matters. Another example might be in the romantic obsessions his young hero develops for unreachable girls. Is he depicting some true aspect of his romantic self (with a substitution of a “she” for a “he”, which I would not consider deception in the world of fiction); or is he just reflecting the cover-up lie he used for many years, when he pretended to be madly in love with women he could not have, to dispel any doubts as to his real sexuality?

These are some really big examples, and once these questions breach the trust between reader and writer/ narrator, everything else follows: by the end of his vacation in a chic hotel, was the initially rude lift operator really talkative, or is Marcel rearranging facts to claim one more social victory? Did the nobleman really stare at him unprovoked, or did he do something to attract attention? Did he really miss such train accidentally, or did he never really mean to follow through with his romanesque but unrealistic move? Am I meant to wonder about all this?

I’m hoping further volumes will help, but at that stage I feel like I’m trying to find my way by the moonlight in a beautiful, “Lewis Carollien” maze. I’m still unsure whether I like the feeling or not — but these sure are interesting times.

“Je suis un optimiste aussi, répondit Igor. Le pire est devant nous. Réjouissons-nous de ce que nous avons.”
(“I’m an optimist too, replied Igor. The worst is yet to come. Let us rejoice in what we have.”)


Most of my reading these days is class-oriented, and it is an interesting experience in and of itself. There’s Proust, which represents an enormous amount of reading and demands close attention: I’ve never really read like this, taking notes, consulting commentaries, reading a novel and its author’s critical writing in parallel, and generally making myself be so deliberate (some would say mechanical!) about it. Some days it’s really hard and brings too much effort between the text and me; other days (like today), it can be really rewarding and glorious, when some deeper understanding, some new connection appears.

But that’s not what I want to talk about.

At the beginning of the week, I went through a rough reading patch. Proust tasted dry and pompous. I decided to break my “one book at a time” rule, at first with very short reads. Nice… but unsatisfying. So I went to my TBR pile intending to pick a book at random: I choose Guenassia’s novel out of pique, because with its 750 pages, it was the thickest of the pile and mocking me and my Proust block.

It was of course a little paradoxical, looking for a breather in the longest book available, but Le Club turned out to be the right choice. A simple, generous book, it leaves its reader ample space to daydream and feel without demanding too much thinking. It is unfortunately not translated in English yet, but it’s been published so recently that I hope it will be soon: I’d love to share it with my husband, as it tells a lot about Paris without ever making it its subject (which avoids all the nostalgia and cliches and generalizations that seem to go hand in hand with this city).

The book’s hero, Michel, is 12 years old when the book starts in October 1959. We follow him through the next five years, until the summer after his baccalauréat. I guess if one was looking to criticize the novel, the main issue might be that in these five crucial years, Michel doesn’t seem to change a lot. The story, or rather the stories, are not in him but around him: in the collapse of his parents’ marriage, in the experiences of the Eastern European refugees who gather at the café Michel and his friends go to, in the political and intellectual effervescence of the early 60’s, in the books Michel reads voraciously, in his first love stories, in the repercussions of the Algerian War on French society… There’s an undercurrent of bitterness in the book — as Guenassia said in an interview, there’s probably not one character in his large cast who doesn’t commit a betrayal at one point or another, Michel included.

And yet the overwhelming feeling left by the book is one of delight, of the richness of the world and of the human experience. All these betrayals, even the worst, stem from aspirations, desires, idealism; and no matter how low men (and women!) fall, there’s always a measure of redemption for them. There is something very comforting in this book, something optimistic in the ease with which Michel makes friends with everyone, in the way the book tells us we all belong, we all have have fascinating stories to tell, in its amusement with human weakness which isn’t so much oblivious to the amount of pain it might inflict as deliberately forgiving, a choice of to smile and take it lightly.

I imagine there might states of mind where this glibness is not welcome, but for cold, damp winter days when one needs to know that the world of men is alive and well, and that not every motion of the soul needs to be scrutinized, nor can be – it is perfect.

Translation.

The word with its sibilants is one of my favorites, the word as it slides like doors, like a pint of beer on a copper counter, with a rustle, from one place to another, the hint of geometry in it — one of the most basic transformations, the mirror image, so familiar and yet subtly altered by the very process of being reflected, or as is the case, translated. So much better than the presumptuous French “traduction”, as if you were leading anything from anywhere… Side notes, tangent – that’s what I think about when I think translation.

For years I didn’t think much about it; I was “translating”, sometimes, for work, a questionnaire or a presentation from English to French or, against all rules (but I didn’t know that), from my native language into my second. I was often the unofficial translator of choice, in part because I spoke decent English, in part because I was happy to, but I wasn’t naming what I did. It was just “writing in English”, or “putting it in French” — or at most, “traduire”. The innapropriate French word was a shield: as long as translation was only traduction, I could enjoy it casually. I liked it because it put me in touch with English, and in English, everything is simpler for me. Except, of course, complexity, but that was not the goal.

(My guess is that everything is simpler in English because my command of the language is so much more rudimentary that my thinking has to follow suit. In this regard, maybe my trying to improve my English is an enormous mistake that will eventually deprive me of the safe haven of a familiar but still foreign language).

Then two things happened: first, Sophia Coppola catapulted the phrase “lost in translation” into my life, and translation became incredibly alluring — mysterious, nostalgic and sexy. My younger sister enrolled in translation studies, and I realized I was a little jealous, but only the tiniest bit; mostly I was fascinated. Translation had become something both otherworldly – a puff of smoke in blue light — and something real, something an actual person who brushes her teeth twice a day was concerned with.

That’s how translation entered my consciousness, and how I started paying attention to it. It’s become one of these magic words — like ”gin fizz” or “by the sea”, for instance – that makes me pay attention. This is why I knew I had to read Vengeance du traducteur when I heard about it (first on Stella Polaris’s blog, and then all over the Internet); this is also the probable reason I didn’t enjoy it very much. I expected it to be a fun novel, which it is; I wasn’t expecting it to be the next Great Novel, which it isn’t; but I was also expecting it to give me some insight into the process of translation, which it really didn’t. I was expecting it to be more elegant than it is. It’s not so much that I expected it to be a greater novel than I expected it to be a different novel. In other words: it’s not his fault, it’s mine.

Because of this little disappointment, I don’t know if you can trust me to review the book, but here are my impressions: Vengeance du traducteur is a smart novel which tries a little too hard. It follows a translator (let’s call him, as he introduces himself, Trad) working on a novel about a triangle between a writer, his translator and his secretary/ mistress. Unsatisfied with the novel, Trad decides to break the Golden Rule of translation and to meddle with the writing; however, he soon notices that his interfering has consequences way beyond the closed world of the book.

This story line worked fairly well for me, and Trad’s language when he let it loose was alternatively sensual, wicked and whimsical, all with the clear mastery of a cultured writer with a musical ear. However Matthieussent seems to have found this too easy, and he added more levels, more complexity, notably through endless dream scenes, dramatic suggestions that maybe nothing is quite as it seems and reality could be elsewhere, a generous helping of heavy-handed symbolism, and a jump back in time to 1937 Paris with Dolores Haze, the actress and woman Nabokov’s Lolita became when she left her literary nymphet self behind. All of this felt a little too much, a little too referential, a little too reverential.

Early on in the book, Trad mocks his writer who indulges in adjectives and adverbs; perhaps he should have heeded his own advice and lightened up his own tale.

“Je veux faire la chose la plus courageuse. Ce soir, je crois que c’est de le porter [l'étoile jaune].
Seulement, où cela peut-il nous mener?”

“I want to do whatever is most courageous. This evening I believe that means wearing the star. But where will it lead?”

It’s been a crazy beginning of a week, with substitute teaching for three days, fighting with Priceline over our Christmas France tickets (let’s just say that I will never use this company again), an assortment of administrative worries, and having friends over last night for the final table of the World Series of Poker (I love poker as a spectator sport). Lost in the minutia of the days, there was little time for reading, and even less for putting down more thoughts on Hélène Berr’s journal. It’s been in my mind on and off, though, and I did wonder if that was close to the way Hélène herself thought about her situation, especially in the early days when her work and her love life would often take over her worries.

In parallel to Hélène’s journal, I had to read the Last Day of a Condemned Man (by Victor Hugo), as I was teaching it. I remembered Stefanie’s review, which is excellent and with which I agree wholeheartedly. The book seemed to be more formally interesting than convincing: the use of slang (19th century slang was not a common thing; it was the private language of robbers, murderers and convicts, and using it did not go without an amount of critical outcry about the “bastardization” of language). As for the condemned man himself, Hugo wants to make him a symbol, a man who could be any man. He doesn’t flesh him out too much, which was counterproductive to me — if I oppose the death penalty, it is in great measure because of the fact that each man is unique, has feelings and a history, not because “it could be me”!

The two reads initially came together because Hélène mentions Hugo, wondering “if it would be like The Last Day of a Condemned man – “it” meaning being arrested and deported. I was then interested by the parallel in the reactions of Hélène and that of the unnamed man to the consolations of nature (romantics influences are perceptible for both) and their perplexity at the brutality and indifference of mankind. The difference lies in how they react to their situation: the condemned man cannot stop thinking about his own situation, and goes through alternatives of panic, anger and resignation; Hélène experiences ups and downs too, but she strives to always keep the suffering of others foremost, not to care for herself but to care for others. When early in the war, her father is released from captivity, she rejoices, but her joy is not, cannot be as pure as when others are saved from danger, because of the guilt associated.

This feeling of being a part of something bigger than she is informs the writing: while in the early days, Hélène’s journal is a chronicle of her life and feelings, it slowly becomes a deliberate testimony of what happened. Hélène feels a compulsion to share, to make people understand what is happening, but she fails to make the people around her get it, to illuminate their spirit, because (a last parallel with Hugo?) her reluctance to excite pity prevents her to use her own case (or that of people she knows) to illustrate her message. “Le principal problème qui se pose à moi: celui de la compréhension humaine et de la sympathie” (“the main problem I an facing: human understanding and sympathy”). Hélène struggles with the idea of a humanity split between people who feel for others and people who don’t. In an awful premonition, she sometimes is aware that she is really writing her diary for the people who will come after the war and will not be able to deny what happened. In the meantime, Hélène hurts herself with the insentivity of ordinary people such as a family friend, Mme Agache, who realizes in November 1943 that children are deported, when a friend of hers is deported with her two kids. “Depuis un an que nous vous le disions, vous ne vouliez pas le croire“, bitterly remarks Hélène’s mother (“we have been telling you for a year, you refused to believe“).

The hardest part of this hard document came for me at the end of the diary, when Hélène starts doubting her belief in the possibility of bettering others. Enamored with English writers and proud of her French heritage, there had always been a faint air of underestimating the richness of German culture in her writing (except musically), but she always fundamentally considers “the Germans” as people. On February 1st, 1944 (she was arrested at the end of March), she however notes “lorsque je vois un Allemand ou une Allemande, je me suis aperçue avec stupéfaction qu’une bouffée de rage montais en moi” (“when I see a German man or a German woman, I was astonished to realize that a feeling of rage arises in me”). On February 4th, she calls the Germans “les Boches” for the first time, and equates them to evil and ugliness. On the 15th, she pulls through as generous as ever, and reaffirms her certainty that the root of the problem is with the Nazi regime rather than with the German people, who have been conditioned not to think for themselves or to feel the difference between an order and duty. She asks the question of the potential difficulty in leading them back to their humanity: the temptation to think of a people as an entity instead of considering the myriad of human beings it is made out of is conquered.

It is Hélène’s last victory. A later entry, on the same day, enumerates some details she has just learned about camp’s life, and concludes on three words: “Horror! Horror! Horror!”

On March 8th, Hélène and her parents are arrested. Any other pages she might have written disappear; she is sent to Auschwitz, then to Bergen Belsen, where she dies from a beating administered because she could not get up one morning, weakened by the typhus. A few days later, Bergen Belsen is liberated by American soldiers. Hélène’s journal, entrusted to the family’s cook to be sent to Hélène’s love, shared by him with the rest of her family, remain a family document for over 60 years, before a family member decides to share it with the rest of us.

I started reading Hélène Berr’s journal last night and I have been thinking about it all day. Hélène was a 21-year old woman in April 1942, when she started her journal. A brilliant student with a double baccalauréat, she was working on the final memoir for her English undergraduate, a dissertation on Roman history in Shakespeare. She was also a music lover and a violin player (my temptation is to assume she was an accomplished interpret since she loved music so much, and because she played Bach and Mozart with others several times a week, but I don’t know that for a fact), a nervous young girl in romantic turmoil, someone who noticed the hues of the light on any given day, and a very social little person. She worked as a volunteer librarian and with underprivileged kids. She had had a very sheltered life, her family being obviously rich, cultured and quite loving. And of course, she was Jewish.

It doesn’t seem like it was a very important part of her identity, but of course it mattered. She was not naive, though one of the surprises of her journal is to realize how numb people around her, in occupied Paris, seemed to be. Most of her friends just assumed that the Germans would win the war, and that it wouldn’t really change a thing. “There will always be sun and water*”, says one of her friend. Hélène has to make a real effort against the temptation to accept these pacifying words, and to remind him that “they don’t let everyone rejoice in the sun and water*“. It feels like she’s reminding herself at least as much as reminding him.

As “incidents” happen, which in hindsight make one want to scream to her to run away, my heart is breaking. Some piece of property (she doesn’t mention which) is taken from her father; she and her family have to wear the yellow star; her father is arrested, and released only against money and with the interdiction to show up at work again; she is denied the right to study for the aggregation, a diploma that leads to teaching, and decides to work for a Doctorate instead. And all the while, she thinks about love, friendship, and about her diploma; she has to push herself to care about politics and war. Nobody seems to realize what’s happening, and it is already 1942. Her father’s colleagues and business associates think it’s a shame he’s barred from work; the non-Jewish students at Hélène’s school make a point to be more attentive, kinder to her when she wears her star; people smile at her pointedly and salute her; there are indeed a few pointed fingers, mostly from children, but overall the feeling is one of support and foolish indifference.

Reading about World War II and the Shoah always brings out such strong emotions in me. It’s a subject with which I just do not manage to keep any distance, which is why I don’t go watch films including “pop-Nazis” (such as Inglorious Basterds or that latest Indiana Jones). I don’t really know that they’re necessarily blamable, but I don’t trust my reaction to them. When my husband told me about Germany’s embargo on games set in Nazi settings, I didn’t (and still don’t know) what to think: emotionally, I’m with them, though censorship doesn’t fit very well with my principles. I didn’t even watch La Vita e Bella, despite all the good press, because I am so afraid it’ll be one of these “if you really want it/ if you have the right attitude” movies I find obscene in this context.

I’ll write more about the Journal when I finish it, but had to post a little something today to evacuate some emotion!

* the translations are homemade, and rather quickly at that.

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